I Know
by nikkiRA
Summary: Oneshot, NickSam/ “How am I making this hard for you?” Nick brought his hands up to his face, covering his eyes and leaning against the wall, shoulders slumping. “Dammit, Sam,” he muttered.


"Let's not tell them now!" Lirael protested as Nick grabbed her hand, trying to drag her to the dining room. She sat back on her heels, refusing to move.

"Why? You're not ashamed of me, are you?" He joked. He stopped trying to pull her and instead brought her in close to his body. She hated public displays of affection- maybe this would make her enter the dining room.

She scoffed. "Don't be ridiculous- of course I'm not ashamed of you. It's just- shouldn't we wait?"

"Whether we tell them now or later, it won't change the end result, Lirael." He lifted his hand to tuck her hair behind her ear. "I know you don't like attention, but you have to get it over with eventually. Besides, you should get used to it- you _are _the Abhorsen- in- Waiting."

She sighed, and he squeezed her gently before letting her go, turning to walk into the dining room.

She caught up to him and took his hand. He smiled at her widely. She smiled back, not quite as widely, but still a smile.

When they entered the dining room, Sam looked up. "Took you long enough, did you get lost?"

Nick simply smiled even more widely. Sam surveyed his best friend with a strange expression on his face.

"What's wrong with you?"

Together, Nick and Lirael looked into the eyes of all the people currently sitting at the table. It was a lucky lull in the many responsibilities of the entire room- Sabriel and Lirael were not currently off fighting the Dead, Touchstone wasn't off on his Kingly duties- and Nick had figured this to be as good a time as any to tell them their news.

"We just wanted to let you all know," he started, but then Lirael squeezed his hand and he let her go on, understanding this was something she needed to do.

"Nicholas and I are to be married."

The room immediately burst into a great round of applause, and Ellimere even squeezed out a few totally unnecessary tears.

It wasn't until the crowd around him had thinned slightly that Nicholas noticed Sam was nowhere to be seen.

---

Sam and Nick had never really fought before. At school there was really nothing to fight about, and afterwards they were too grateful that the other was even _alive _to think about fighting. Besides, they were best friends, alike in many ways, and very rarely had they ever differed on a subject.

Nick stalked angrily to Sam's work room, flinging open the door the boy hadn't bothered to lock. Sam looked up in surprise from where he was working on something or other, his face immediately clouding as he saw Nick.

He opened his mouth to speak, but Nick didn't let him.

"You can't even _pretend _to be happy for me?" He hissed, anger coursing through his veins.

"What are you talking about?" Sam asked, surprise and confusion evident in his face. Nick shook his head.

"I can see, Sam. I do have eyes in my head. And I see the way you look at her, look at us when we're together. But she's your _aunt, _Sam. And she loves me. And I understand it must hurt to be in love with someone who doesn't love you back, Sam, and I'm sorry, but don't sulk around and ruin our good news!"

Sam stared at the wall just above Nick's shoulder for what seemed like quite a long time. Finally he turned away, spinning the object he had been making in his hands.

"You think I'm in love with Lirael," he stated. Nick nodded, anger slowly ebbing away. Now he was just tired.

Sam shook his head, not as if he was saying no, but as if he was trying to clear his head. Then he said, very quietly, "I'm not in love with Lirael, Nick."

Nick didn't believe him. "Then why can't you be happy for me?"

Sam looked up and from his side profile, Nicholas could see he had tears in his eyes.

"I am happy for you, Nick. I am so happy for you. All I ever truly wanted was for you to be eternally happy. It's one of the most important things in my life."

Suddenly, Nick found he couldn't quite breathe properly. His chest felt constricted.

"What is that supposed to mean, Sameth?" He had never used his full name before but it felt like the right time.

Sam once again shook his head. "Nothing. Nothing, I was just babbling. I'm happy for you. Really."

Nick felt anger boiling up in his veins again, but this time, it was a different kind of anger. It was a sad anger.

"I love her!" He suddenly burst out. Sam looked up at him, making eye contact, surprised at the outburst.

"I know, Nick."

Nick shook his head adamantly. "I _love _her. More than anything."

"I know, Nick," Sam said again, slightly harder, as if he was tired of hearing it.

He was still shaking his head. "You're not supposed to make this _hard _for me. This is supposed to easy!"

Sam tried to hide the sudden hope that sprung into his eyes, but he failed.

"How am I making this hard for you?"

Nick brought his hands up to his face, covering his eyes and leaning against the wall, shoulders slumping. "Dammit, Sam," he muttered.

When he dropped his hands, Sam was standing right in front of him.

"How am I making this hard for you, Nick?" He asked again, his voice a breathy whisper, trying vainly to hide his excitement.

Nick stared him right in the eyes.

"I love her. I love Lirael."

Sam nodded.

"I… you… Lirael…" Nick couldn't seem to spit out a sentence. He closed his eyes in fatigue and Sam took this moment to grab his hand.

Nick opened his eyes slowly. He shook his head.

Sam kissed him anyway.

Nick didn't move. Even when Sam pressed himself into him and wrapped his arms around him Nick didn't move. Even when Sam deepened the kiss, Nick didn't move, simply let himself be held and let his mouth be explored by Sam's surprisingly nice tasting tongue.

When Sam ran out of breath, Nick met his eyes once more. He shook his head.

They both seemed to be doing a lot of that.

"I love her."

"I know."

"I love you."

"I know."

"I love her more."

Sam took a step away, turned back to his bench.

"I know that, too."

A part of him (he didn't want to think about how big) was screaming at him to go over to the other boy and kiss him once again, kiss him properly this time, but he conjured Lirael's face in his mind and exited the room, desperate to get Sam's taste out of his mouth.

Sam smashed the toy he was making and started work on a wedding present for his best friend and his Aunt.


End file.
